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Thursday, 29 December 2016


As if your own weight watching is not cruel enough, I bombard you with my own decidedly-failing-case of weight watching. The primary excuse lately has been what with this being the holiday season and all, however, the rest of the seasons are not that different or revolutionary.

So, this holiday season, I have actually lost weight. A good 2 pounds!! Almost a kilogram! Hoorah...

Standing at 68.5 kgs and a still 6.5 kgs to go before reaching my original weight. Already lost 11.5 kgs since my full term pregnancy weight and actually 6.5 kgs post my post-delivery weight.

I have almost cut off sweets, rice and daal from my diet (the keyword is almost!). Except for when I am feasting on some Italian food. Then it is gnocchi and pasta and tiramisu (and wine..!). (note to self: look for lunch options online after writing this blog).

This is part of my #oneyearchallenge and I still have 5 more months to go. Keep the hope alive.

Fingers crossed and dietary urges controlled.

Yours truly.

Monday, 19 December 2016

Mums and Loneliness

As a new parent or a parent to be, everyone is telling you how it would be worth it. They continue to tell you about the adventures that parenthood becomes, about how alive and sapped it makes you go - all in the same breath. They also tell you that life would never be the same. And they are almost, always right. Except for one thing. They never tell you how lonely it gets. For a new mother.

Looking after a new born is a journey in loneliness. It disconnects you to the rest of the world. Going out is a luxury. Your friends and you are living on opposite ends of the spectrum. You have your own health issues going on. Mentally you are on another plane compared to any other members of your family, however well meaning.

Many of us leave our jobs, our social lives, our travels and a lot more to become parents of our little bundle. Having a baby is a blessing, but managing the personal alone time that comes with it? Not so much.

It would help if there were more honest renditions of what motherhood is like. When women can tell other women that it is okay. That is is a phase. And that your life, just like your body, will get back to normalcy.

In all these last couple of months, I have found my own list on how to stay positive and make best use of our time.

  • Allocate your free time, however little it may be to stuff you want to get done. Learn to cook better, read more, pamper your body, exercise, home improvement or whatever your deal is. Whatever it is, take time to do it.
  • Know that it is temporary. Work out a Plan A. It could be on how to get back to work or how to get your body back in shape. 
  • Learn about child care options in your vicinity. So when needed you can use that too.
  • Take time out to meet friends when you can. It is now that you realize how wonderful it is to be catching up with old friends.
  • Stay away from the military mom brigade who sings sorry songs on how you must now devote your entire life to child rearing now that your own identity is a thing of the past.
  • Get help. From family and friends. Ask your spouse to be more involved if needed.
  • Lastly, never give up on your dreams.
Just a little bit of me time can help us mums love our children a whole lot more.

Wednesday, 14 December 2016

Cyclones and Door Mats

3 days ago, cyclone Vardhah hit Indian shores from distant afar aka Thailand. The states it hit were Andhra and Tamil Nadu. Not far from namma Bengaluru (local for My Bangalore). While there was nothing catastrophic, it rained cats and dogs for 16 freaky hours. Like I open a tap in the kitchen and rush to change Little Keisha's diapers and forget all about it.

While dear neighbours (read above mentioned states) went twirling under the cyclone (not much harm the weather person tells us, so I can joke about it), Bangalore had a deluge of rains lasting till last night. More than 2 days to be precise. Damp and wet. Like the English weather. Only there is no English breakfast. Or the Queen. Here.

And your truly decided to become the perfect house wifey and decided to run the door mats a wash. In a bucket! Not the machine. In a bucket! Desperately wanted to enhance the life of these poor door mats at home, which have never been washed in two years of their unfortunate purchase. Yeah, you read it right. I love those mats really. They are super soft and feel like clouds under your feet. But right now they are damp clouds. For the last 3 days, they are hung on the laundry line outside, waiting to dry. Never looking like they are going to dry.

The pressing matter is that we are door mat less in the meantime. Managing with towels.

But this is enough about me. Little one is also cooped up inside with all the rains and dampness outside. Socks and caps included. Blessed be the precious sun that eludes us last 3 days.

Wednesday, 30 November 2016

Baby crawls and stands up!

Hello everyone! All those who have still been stuck around reading this wretched blog, I would like to thank you as much as I would like to update you on the recent happenings. In the last two months or so when I was absconding from this place, I was actually at home, entertaining relatives, going on vacations and taking care of little one.
Work took backstage, so did blogging. Little Keisha managed to be a darling when we took her to Goa last weekend. She loved the beaches, went pillion riding. I was frantic when she slept on me while riding. However, those were really short distances and we managed just fine.
She is a little beach girl, my Keisha!
Tragically enough, I would love to show you pictures but dearies, I acted like a complete idiot and deleted the entire camera roll from my phone!!!!
Luckily husband still has some pictures (most of those actually) from the trip and I shall beg him to transfer those, after he has had a good laugh on my self-loathing act of technological depreciation. He would say its the affect of age on me, I guess. Entering 30s comes with its own challenges, eh?
SO, in between all this, Keisha started to crawl back in October and managed to stand with support in November.
Amidst much controversy, we got her a walker and she is traipsing around since then. Quite a fan of her new found mobility, she has taken it upon herself to bring everything within reach down on to the floor for me to pick up.
It was husband's birthday too and I gifted him a fitness band. He has taken to it quite well much to my surprise. This is probably the first gift which I gave him and it is of any use to him. And this is mind you, the cheapest of them all. He keeps it on all the time. In fact, this band spends more time with him than dear wifey does, eh?
But such is life dearies.

Tuesday, 13 September 2016

A Whole Lotta Fun...and lots more.

Last week was full of fun and more fun... That is what happens when your family comes visiting. You just cannot contain your joy! <3
My mum and bro visited us and we spent a lot of time eating, strolling and just having a good time. We visited a 600 year old ancient temple carved out of a rock and a couple more temples, markets and famous a 100 year old eatery. Mom and bro visited Lord Tirupathi as well. It was my mother's ardent wish and am so glad and thankful that she visited the temple. These moments were constant when we were kids, but never really noticed. Today, these are special moments to live by.
I just want my family close by always. Live is good, it will just be even better. Guess you do not realize how special your family is until you start living away from them. In our case it is a whole country away, on the two edges of India. If you travel by train, it takes three days to reach!! Crazy, innit?
I wish to thank Lord Shiva for the bounty he has blessed me with. Thank you Shivji.

Thursday, 1 September 2016

Starting on Solids...

So, little Keisha has started on solids. She is almost 6 months now and loves staring while we eat! I can tell she is like me in that she does not like milk much and is mostly looking for the food that we are eating! Somehow she can guess that it tastes better. :D

I have started her on Stage 1 foods. That is, single cereal food ideal for a baby of age group 4-6 months.
She ate a moong dal puree and loved it. We gave it to her for 2 days. Now she is on rice puree with milk and well, she is eating it properly, but I guess she like savoury food more.

I am already scouring through food sites meant for babies to find more recipes for her. Next in line is sweet potato puree.

It's quite messy, but the mommy and baby are loving it. Dad only gets to hear stories about it when he comes home from work!

Monday, 29 August 2016

Baby Gets Hurt :(

So, this is a milestone of the not so great kind. The baby fell off the bed! She was just in the middle of the bed, surrounded by pillows and in the next moment as hubby was busy getting something out of the cupboard and I was making a dash to the kitchen, we heard her wailing. My heart sank as I rushed and saw her on her face on the ground.
Poor thing sobbed uncontrollably as both of us tried to ascertain that she did not have any bruises. Thankfully, there were none. She had pushed one pillow away to make way!

Now our bed is closed on one end by her crib and the rest by head post, foot post and the pillows. She is definitely growing up and was able to sit the other day too.

This was a indeed, a weekend of surprises for us.

Friday, 26 August 2016

Everyday's a Present!

With a little bundle of joy around you, everyday is and should be a present.

Babies present you with little wonders of life. They teach you the value of learning and unlearning. They remind you of what you have forgotten. They tell you that your families are precious and that unknowingly you took for mom for granted more than once.

A few weeks back my little Keisha was down with viral. This was the first time that she got a viral fever and my husband and I took care of her. With my own parents in some other city, I was mentally quite lonely. My husband is also as new to parenting as I am, and not having my parents by my side, did make me a little less confident. I wondered if it was my own fault that she was sick. She was ill for a whole week, and we hardly slept with me taking her temperature every 20 minutes. She was hitting high grade fever often and finally resorting to antibiotics did the trick.

Had my parents been here with me in this house, I would not have worried so much. A mental support system would be in place. While I have a husband who is extremely hands on with our daughter and I cannot complain of anything, it is an elderly presence that is missed. I remember as a child, my mother used to say that she laments the fact that our grand parents did not stay with us. She said that their mere presence is enough to make you feel in control of things. I did not make much sense of it then. Having a baby has put that among other things, into perspective.

A baby might not make you a better or worse person, but she definitely opens you up to emotions you never knew existed.

Tuesday, 16 August 2016


I have been away for a whole week from this blog, although I have managed to put in some hasty blog posts, I have largely been absent.

Been busy with a few things -

1. Little one wasn't feeling well. She had viral fever and we took multiple visits to the doctor and finally it was the antibiotics (which we were avoiding in the first place - they are harsh for a baby less than 6 months old) which did the job. She is feeling better now and hopefully will be perfectly healthy soon. Now that she feels better, I finally slept tonight after 5 nights!

2. It was the Independence Day weekend and hubby was home. We were enjoying some good ol' Netflix and take away food.

Now that the weekend has finally resumed, life has resumed as usual.

Saturday, 13 August 2016

#Weightwatch Update

Another week, and I am 70 kgs now. That brings the total weight loss to 4 kgs.

I am losing half a kg (roughly a pound) per week, which is a slow method. But previous weight loss methods have taught me that this will be long lasting. You do not bounce back to your earlier weight that easy with this one.

With current statistics, this is going to take 16 weeks i.e. 4 months to achieve the target.

I have made an addition to my diet as per my husband's suggestion, I have actually replaced the normal water with boiled carom water. Carom seeds aid digestion, reduce bloating and help in bringing tummy back to pre-pregnancy shape (almost!).

To put things in perspective, I have achieved 33% of my targeted weight loss, still 2/3rds left.

Currently, I am left with 8 kgs to go!

Wednesday, 10 August 2016

Writing - A Catharsis

How many of us know of that one thing which absolves our soul, brings it much needed respite and makes it feel alive again. A lot of us? Not so many? May be all... but definitely not none.

All these years it felt like i have enjoyed writing so much so that if I had a thought in my mind; it could be a beautiful sentence, then even if I was in a shower I somehow had to rush to write it down. The thought would pervade my senses and bother me relentless before I put pen to paper.

Today, I just realized in my full sanity that writing has the capacity to change my day. Heck, it has the capacity to seize it!

I might be tired or exhausted, trudging along the stretch of the day, putting copious amounts of stress on my mind, feelings of disappointment, embarrassment or just pure rage. And then, I would sit down to write a tad little something, just about anything and just like that, the world around me and the one wrapped around my head, would feel better. Hopeful.

You know, in the humdrum-ness of life, you had a fight with a friend, you write it down and boom! Perspective beckons.

Generally, the thumb rule is that if I am feeling low and down in the dumps so to say, I set myself to write and there is some glimmer of hope that I can see. And what more is this word, than having the courage to dream. It all begins from training your mind.

Therefore, no wonder, the pen is mightier than the sword. The written word has the power to redeem.

Tuesday, 9 August 2016

#Oneyearchallenge Update

The #oneyearchallenge is on track pretty much, as in to mean it is still not given up upon! :/

I shall not be giving up dearies.
I started this on 1st June 2016 and today is a full 2 months and a little over a week since that date. Lets take a peek at the goals and their status.

1. Obvious - reach the 62 kg milestone.
  • On track
  • Although I am not really watching my food that much ( eating cheese!), I am still exercising (a bit).
    I was 74 kgs on 1st June 2016 and now I am 70.5 Kgs. I am over the moon, its still a good 3.5 kgs weight loss and its consistent and slow. They say slow and steady wins the race. They are right. 
    8.5 kgs to go.
2. Learn a foreign language - After French, its German now!
  • On Track
  • No, it is still French. My francais skills needs tremendous improvement so I am trying to not be jack of all trades and give some finesse to french.
3. Improve my style quotient - I am such a lazy bone that my favorite is just a pair of t shirt and jeans and hair tied in a bun, but this time it is different. and different needs work!
  • On Track
  • Spa visits are on. Wear something different everyday is also almost on. Scope for improvement is really high on this one though. One tends to slip.
4. Straighten my hair - I love my curls, but I am going to carry straight hair for a year and see how it goes.
  • Not Done
  • Having dual thoughts on this one. Lets see.
5. Engage in a physical activity - Aerobics or Bollywood dance is what I am thinking.
  • On track
  • Daily walking and yoga. The hardest part of my #oneyearchallenge. You tend to want to catch up on your sleep or just do other things. But, one must persist.
6. Travel more - With a baby in tow, it will mostly be quite weekend getaways. But it is more of a qualitative assignment in nature and one I can be the judge of.
  • Not Done
  • Unless you count traveling from mom dad's to here as travel. Few mall visits and that is it so far. The baby is still adjusting to the coller climes.
7. Explore healthy cooking as a way of life - another qualitative one.
  • Meh...
  • There is a cook now and something new cooking everyday, not to mention another interest in checking out all the interesting food places that we have. Super clash of interest there :D 
So, long thing short, the show is going on!

Sunday, 7 August 2016

Progressive Parenting

That's the latest buzzword in parent town. Yes, progressive parenting is what it takes to raise a sensible kid. It means parenting a child in such a way that he or she is a responsible adult who is free of biases and prejudices that we are otherwise conditioned to. Gender conditioning is one such evil which progressive parenting tries to get rid of.

One mind boggling atrocity this gender conditioning is levying on us is teaching us that girls should not do anything remotely associated with being feminine in order to be taken seriously. So, if you cook at home and want to be a stay at home mother, you clearly lack ambition and are a lowly form of humanity. The problem is actually two folds -

1. We pick up certain attributes like fear, shyness, dependence and teach our girls to own them, in active and passive ways - sit like a lady, how come you ruthlessly kill cockroaches, don't show attitude doesn't suit a girl, this is what happens when you educate a girl too much.

2. We then ridicule girls for acting the way they are encouraged and sometimes forced and always conditioned to.

So, a girl is merely sandwiched between these two dichotomies and so becomes the narrative of her life. And this in short is what is called 'normal' in our world! 

We need to ensure that this normal fades into oblivion so that a new normal may emerge. One where a persons qualities and skills are not a function of gender alone. And for that we need to teach our sons to play with dolls and have heroes like Elsa, but not only that... We also need to teach our girls that you can play with dolls and have long hair and be a princess if you want to. That you are capable of taking responsibility and having fun without being judged.

Saturday, 6 August 2016

Boredom Kicks In..

As a recent working professional turned stay at home mother, life can't be funnier. Suddenly, you are on the other end of the spectrum. That other end is on this side now, and you had never seen it coming.

It seemed totally normal to be out for work from morning till night and now a little munchkin keeps you busy with a baby sitting job, on loop. And you can not resign, because you do not want to, and you definitely do not want to off load your job or even share that responsibility with someone. You want to mommy your perfect little baby yourself. And no one can share that limelight. Sounds greedy, but sometimes it is ok to be selfish, like this time.

This is the only time, the little one will be this little. And one day you are going to look back and reminisce these days.

Its not so much about the sleepless nights, it is about the loss of who you are that pinches the most.

Thursday, 4 August 2016

Spa Day 2

So it was the second day of spa and I ain't complaining! I had a 2 hour session and I slept like a log :O

Yeah, I actually slept off during the session post the back rub. Nothing better than a back rub for someone going through running and cardio daily. Needless to say, all the soreness is gone!

I came back home all groggy and sleepy shelving all plans to do much else. Realised it is easier to sleep at spa than at home with a baby clamoring for attention.

I feel so much better with these two sessions and now I am already planning a third one.

Wednesday, 3 August 2016

#WeightWatch Update

As you guys already know, I am on a weight watch as part of my #oneyearchallenge -

1. To look better
2. To get rid of the hypertension

The last one week involved, yoga in the morning and brisk walk in the evening and also included a day of detoxifying and fasting. The results were not so encouraging - I am stuck at 71 kgs.

I have been reading about people's weight loss journeys, and this is nothing new to come by. There are times when even excessive dieting and exercising has not resulted in weight loss for weeks! Persistence and motivation is the key. You got to keep trying and not give up.

Any thing else I can do? I am not dieting... just eating normal food in moderation.

I will be publishing on the other deliverables on my #oneyearchallenge list soon.

Spa Day!

When daddy babysits at home and mommy can go to a spa, what day is better than a spa day!

So off I went for a spa yesterday after a full year gone by...phew. Naturally, I was so relaxed and exulted at the same time that even the spa guys were all talkative with me and when I left there were 3 of them seeing me off on the exit door. Hilarious if I may say so!

Feel a little more like myself. Like a year of masks (both figuratively and literally) have come off, to find a brighter and closer to myself me. Who knew, a pregnancy would do this to you? 

Monday, 1 August 2016

Ah Happy Happy Boughs...

...that cannot shed your leaves, nor ever bid the Spring adieu.
(John Keats; Ode on a Grecian Urn, 1819)

Bangalore has one neat thing about it, it keeps you close to nature, of yourself.
Seldom does on have to go outside in search of nature. Trees are all around us and the foliage largely covers the skyline. Unlike most big Indian cities.

This weather is lovely so to speak, inspires you to travel, write, eat and love - yes, all of these. I am no stranger to this verdant skyline either. These have found me love, reintroduced me to writing and given me bountiful blessings - a lovely home with laughter and peace in the presence of God.

Sunday, 31 July 2016

Baby's Day Out (with us!)

Today, little Keisha is going out for lunch! This will be the longest she is going to be out of her house. The last time she spent this much time out was traveling to Bangalore. And that was a total of 5 hours. This one might surpass that. Thankfully, after 3 days of non stop rains, it is bright and sunny today.

We are going to our relatives who live in the same city. The district they live in is the place we absolutely love going to because of it happening crowd, amazing cafes and eating joints (while we stay in the heart of the city bustling with the most happening brand outlets and shopping hubs). That place is more 'young' - happening and value for money at the same time. We loved strolling around there, the last time we were there.

This time it is lunch at someone's house so we think we won't be getting to see the area. :-(

Talking of outings, my best bud who lives in London and has a 1 year old daughter, is planning a trip to Austria. This would be her first after the birth of her baby. Makes me ponder, when will we be planning trips again :-)

Got to rush now folks. See you all!

Saturday, 30 July 2016

Do I feel normal yet?

It has a been 4 and a half months. Almost.

The pudginess on the tummy remains, it seems lessened though. Should feel better about it. No. Nothing like that.

The sensation on the surgery scar continues. Its lighter, way lighter. Now it doesn't come with the a deep knot in the heart. It's just there.

The consciousness of being 'fat' is all over me. I have lost 3 kgs, feel better? Not yet.

The baby rolls over, spits and wails. I have to be a super mom still. The challenge accepted? Not quite. Trying.

I feel the stares boring into my neck as I walk past twenty somethings. They are judging me, I say.

An old lady barely standing straight trudges past me on my evening walk. I will not judge her, I say.

My life's journey is split in two - before and after.

I am wiser, crazier, calmer, more foolish than ever, all at once.

It is not the hormones. It is life, in general.

Friday, 29 July 2016

How Much Help Does a New Mother Need?

As a new mother, a lot of people ask me how I am coping with the demands of an infant's round the clock schedule. And almost all of them gasped when I told them I am going back to stay with my husband with no support from my mom from there on.

I had the help of my mom and dad for the first four months of being a mother. It meant everything was taken care of apart from taking care of the baby's essentials.

In the initial 15-20 days, it was my parents, my mother in law, my husband and my brother who were around my 24/7. If you ask me, those were the most difficult days. There are a few things which are different in the first 20 odd days -

1. If you had a surgery, chances are that the first 20 days sitting will also be a task. So would be sleeping, holding your baby, caring for her and yourself. This is definitely the time to garner all the help you can. If you already know you will have a caesarean, plan ahead. Ask a friend or relative to come over. Hire help if possible. Keep the kitchen ready with ready to eat frozen meals. Ask your partner to do laundry and other things.

2. The emotional mess that your are. The moment you are back from the hospital, there is a barrage of emotions you go through, and you have no idea why! Mostly it is the hormone levels receding in your body causing all this chaos. But it makes things all the more difficult coupled with a new baby.

3. Lack of sleep - No explanation required.

4. Lack of experience - If you are a first time mom, you will not know how to handle a lot of things and hence you will require an experienced person or an expert around you.

Once you are past this, you start getting a hang of things and soon you are enjoying the perks of a new mommy. However, you still have a lot of work at hand! If you are managing the baby by yourself (no relative apart from husband) then a hired help will be a relief. I am lucky enough I have someone to come and clean the house and do the dishes and a cook to take care of dinner. This alone makes it a whole lot saner for me.


Thursday, 28 July 2016


Those who read my blog regularly, would know how I have challenged myself to the #oneyearchallenge. A part of that is losing the unnecessary weight I have accumulated during pregnancy and lets face it even before that.

On the way to my #fitnessgoals, I have managed to get a weighing scale at home and measured myself today.

I am now 71 kgs. Yoohoo!!

So I have managed to loose 3 kgs till date. That is a pretty dismal performance, BUT I am still on the right track. Not losing heart, I am continuing my journey to a healthier self.

9 kgs to go!

Mother's Milk is best ?

I suffered from high blood pressure during the last trimester of my pregnancy, my baby was born almost a month early because the doctor could not wait anymore as blood pressure was soaring.

I remember how even breathing was a task and with the blood pressure hitting critical levels and a salt-less diet and the medicines I was subjected to, it was a harrowing experience for me. This was coupled with the fear that the baby might be at risk. The doctor would check me twice a day for the last 10 days and make sure the baby was okay.

The blood pressure and the surgery left me with more medicines than I could imagine. I am not sure if this was the reason or just some physiology but I was not able to get breast milk in the first few days of the baby's birth. My baby got used to the bottle and then after repeated attempts finally started latching.

The milk was mostly insufficient for her, so the bottle continued. And a couple of months later, she simply stopped latching on. It was too much of a task for her. The bottle was far more easier.

So, my baby is a formula fed baby. Everywhere I go, there are people prodding me if I breast feed her and judging me for it. Includes people who have never had a baby themselves!

And then there is this media overload around us, telling us constantly that a child must be breast fed. As if I am wrong to bottle feed my baby. It is not a choice I was handed out in the first place and it is nobody's business to judge me.

While it is all fine to be supporting breast feeding - and stop the shaming surrounding public breast feeding, it is equally important to normalize bottle feeding. A mother goes through a sackful of life altering experiences while having a child and there is absolutely no need to add to the pressure.

Tuesday, 26 July 2016


Fitness is a fad for many, for me it is a necessity. Pregnancy gave me my baby, but it also gave me pregnancy induced hypertension. I am still getting treated for it and hence managing my lifestyle is a very important feature for me.

Now hypertension is a case of high blood pressure which in turn can cause serious health risks for you. However if managed well, you can live a normal life with it.
In pregnancy induced hypertension, there is a chance you may get rid of it and there is chance it may continue to pester you lifelong. If it is temporary, then proper medication would have helped you get rid of it, but if it is permanent then you are on lifelong medicine intake.

The verdict is still not out in my case. My BP is being controlled with medication these days, and along with this I need to eat carefully and exercise to loose weight.

Now, since I have moved back, I have been taking ocassional walks and watching my food intake. I still need to start exercising. So I am starting with the following :

Equipment Required -

1. A fitness ball - bought and inflated 
2. Walking shoes - done
3. Weighing scale - TBD :-(
4. Motivation!!

Started 3 days back without the weighing scale... wish me luck !

Monday, 25 July 2016

Mom's Walk of Pride

A mom walks as her little one follows her begrudgingly :)
The little lady sleeps peacefully. There is a general sense of calm. Things look more in control now than earlier. May be it is just a phase. We all go through this.
Yesterday some friends of ours invited us over for a day of fun with them. A full day! And all I could think of was the number of baby bottles, formula, boiled water, diapers and wipes I would be carrying to cover for a full day!!!
It takes planning to even take a walk in the community park. 
I look down the balcony lost in these thoughts and as if to give weight to my thoughts as some primordial truth, I see a mommy walking on the jogging track below with her little one following with his nanny in tow.
Now, little ones do not care that you cannot fit into your summer dress anymore and need a solid run everyday. They are more curious with the shadows of the trees and the foliage turned verdant this monsoon. Every now and then he waves at the passersby and picks the tamarind fruit cast away by the tree above him. He knows not his mothers hurry and is taking in the sun's glory.
The mother on the other hand, has a watch to follow. She is looking at it and calculating. It takes 6 minutes to take one round of the track without the baby, with the baby it might take 12. Her ambition is slowly melting away in the balmy sun. She is after all a mother first.

Sunday, 24 July 2016

Mommy Marathon

It has been 2 consecutive days that little Miss Keisha has developed major FOMO and decided not to slumber!

So she stays up all day; between our desperate pleas towards afternoon nap, managing an hour in all. The nights are relatively better for the six hour sleep we get #toucheswood

And the shrieks have turned into a daily past time, I am half aware of the surrounding apartments where people must be left wondering.

Needless to say, a little disheveled state of mind combined with lack of proper sleep has left me searching for some #lifegoals

I know I am just rambling today :-(

Trying to nap, you bet mommy!

Saturday, 23 July 2016

What Changed?!

It's well past noon.
The little lady sleeps. I can do something now. My mind constantly rambles all the things I want to say, are there any listeners? None, perhaps...
I am the listener, the doer, the planner, the procrastinator. For these are the thoughts everyone knows but no one would want to hear for me.
Is it just me or being a 30 year old mother means being isolated. No more movie outings, no more spontaneous trips to the mall, no more weekend getaways. Heck, I cannot visit the loo without planning. She senses somehow that mommy just took her first morsel since morning or that she just sat down to write ( As I write, I can hear that she is up).
5 minutes later, I am sitting with her in my lap, as she wriggles, putting my elbow as a safety check so she does not fall and my fingers still typing away.

Yes, I planned my baby, I wanted to be a mother. Wanting a baby is an abstract idea, loving her is abstract but doing laundry, feeding and nursing and bathing and cleaning several times over a day is real, very real. Even more complex is going out for an hour and finding your sobbing baby upon return, because she missed you - my heart broke in a million pieces.
Still typing - with one hand now... and i realise how this is in deep contradiction of smelling the roses. But then, that's all of us.

For at the other end, is my 4 month old squealing with joy on seeing her favorite toy. I need to fetch.

Thursday, 21 July 2016

Back Home!

Its been 4 days that I am back with my partner.

The last 10 months, we had been staying apart due to my pregnancy and thereafter to look after my baby with my parents' help.

Now back to this city with my little one and husband, life is completely different this time around. I am no more corporate professional rushing to work in the morning and coming back 12 hours later. Between coming home and going to work again was what I called my married life. Oh, we were like room mates who were also 'really close' :-D

Now, I am a SAHM (stay at home mother), making breakfast in the morning, taking care of a 4 month old baby, changing her, feeding her and keeping her entertained. It gets boring having to wait for a husband who is out for work however, I saw something special today.

I saw a blue butterfly, a figging blue butterfly on the tamarind tree in front of my balconies. It was a vibrant blue, resplendent in its summer glory. I was jubilant. I must be crazy, eh?

The last 10 years of my business degree and work life, I have yearned to 'stop and smell the roses' figuratively speaking and quite literally too. And today, I just did.

I know what weather it is outside of a closed cubicle. I can feel the breeze, have an evening tea, plan my dinner and write my blog.

I had that life and it was good and bad ( a career with no personal life) and I have this life and it is both good and bad again ( personal freedom and career on hold).

In a couple of months, I might back to a grueling schedule putting all 'smell the roses' dreams to some unforeseen weekend.

Before that happens, let me just smell the roses.

Thursday, 7 July 2016

Walking with God

(I wrote this a long time back, but it is still very contextual to me)

God has been walking beside me in the strangest of ways. Have you ever felt God’s presence in your life so strongly, so earnestly, that it eased you into peace and re-surging calm. I think I have.
It is amazing…I read this short story killing time in the doctor’s reception.

I saw a dream the other night…I was walking along a beach with God. There were two pairs of foot impressions along the length of the beach.
I asked God what it was..God answered,"These represent your life as you walked through it".
“Then who does the other pair of steps belong to?” I asked.
“That would be me” God replied.
As I followed those steps, I noticed that whenever I was going through the toughest times in my life there was only one pair of step.
Deeply saddened that God left my side when I needed him/her the most, I asked God "Where were you when I needed you?”
God replied,”Darling, I was carrying you.”
That’s pretty much my experience with God…whenever I have wondered why God was not helping me in my times of distress.. I have come to a calming realization that God was busy carving out his best plans for me.

Wednesday, 6 July 2016


I wrote this piece of fiction prose a couple of years ago. From a mother to her mother.

You have told me several times that you love me and that you will hold on to me till your last breath.
And I have never really poured much thought into it. Moms talk like that.

You have told me that you felt all of your life's love surge in your heart, when you saw me for the first time.
But I never so much as pondered over the meaning of those profound words. Because moms always talk like that.

You have taken my hand in yours and looked at me as if your whole world finds it meaning in my eyes.
Although I never have glanced so deeply in your eyes to see that they well up when you do so. Because that is what moms do.

And now as I hold my new born child in my arms, my thought trajectory is taking me into all those moments, when you told me that you loved me and I never thanked you enough.

And so, today, I hold my little child in my arms and look into her eyes, the way you looked into mine and tell her - I love you so, just the way my mom loves me.

Tuesday, 5 July 2016


Last month, little Keisha turned 3!
She has started cooing, gurgling, singing and screaming her lungs out, yes! And of course, sucking her thumb :(
I am told the thumb sucking is normal if temporary. Hope so!
So she is basically having a great time being a baby.
I, on the other hand, find myself really troubled with a few things. Here they are.

1. The weight is so hard to come off. I last reported losing 2 kgs, and one month later it is still at 3 kgs. Progress, if you must insist.
2. The job - with a baby in tow, my heart fails to understand how will i ever get back to work. The longer the gap, the more difficult it will be to get back to work commensurate with my experience.
3. There is another thing, by end of July, I will be going back to our place (hubby and I) with the baby. Now the baby is so comfortable with her grand parents, I do not know if she will be able to cope with not being able to see them so often.

While No.3 has to be done, and No.1 must be done(Yes!), it is No.2 that I am very indecisive about.

Time shall tell ladies!

Baby Keisha at 3 months

Thursday, 2 June 2016

Boy or Girl?

While I was pregnant, wherever I went, people asked me how I felt and gave me unsolicited advice on how to sit, stand and breath. They wanted to touch my belly and guess the gender of the baby. That is after all the most exciting thing to do - wondering whether you will have a bonny little girl or a handsome boy!

While I am blessed with my future best friend, my little angel girl, a lot of people guessed a boy for me and since I always wanted a girl, I would get mildly upset :D. Well there are a lot of granny tales on how to predict the baby's gender. They are all over the internet and I decided to try them and chronicle them later on along with the actual result.

1. The baking soda test : funniest of them all. You pee in a cup and add baking soda to it. If it fizzes like a cola, its a boy. Else, a girl. Mine fizzed! 
Result: Fail

2. The ring test : put a ring on a thread and hang it over your tummy, if it moves sideways its a girl, else its a boy. Mine moved sideways.
Result : Pass :-)

3.  Morning Sickness : If your morning sickness kicks in the first 12 weeks its a girl, if later then a boy. I started at 7 weeks. 
Result : Pass :-)

4. Tummy Shape : If you are carrying high and out then it is a  boy. If you are carrying low its a girl. I was carrying low.
Result : Pass :-)

5. Craving sweets : Its a girl if you crave sweets. I did!!
Result : Pass :-)

6. Heartbeat : If your baby's heartbeat is more than 140 bpm its a girl. If its lesser, then its a boy. Mine was always lower.
Result : Fail

7. Movement : Energetic baby is a boy, else girl. Mine was highly energetic and its a girl.
Result : Fail

All in all, these are just for fun and have absolutely nothing true about them. Anyways, whether its a boy or a girl, your child is the most beautiful thing you will ever see the moment she/he is born, I still remember when my baby came out and I heard her sweetest cries. Just be patient and wait, its worth it.

By the way, these tests also tell us, never to go by what you see on internet :D

Tuesday, 31 May 2016


Hello Dearies,

Last few days I have been resolving to get back on the fitness track. I have started to actually watch my food and the results have started to show!
As per my last update, I was 73 kg. Well, yesterday I measured myself and I was 72 kg (yay!).
Now I am 10 kg away from my target.

I think I have mentioned it in my previous posts that I have quit my high profile corporate job in the pursuit of mommy-ness (sheesh!!). I have given myself 1 year to take care of my baby before I start with job hunting and look into child care options. All these years, I have never had so much time off when I have no place to rush to in the morning. I always told myself that if I had the time, i would have done this and that and whatnot. So now this is my once in a lifetime opportunity to best utilize this one year.

Starting tomorrow i.e. 1st June 2016, I give myself 7 personal challenges to beat. I have specifically not mentioned anything to do with child care here because that is not a challenge - that's my baby, my life. :-*

1. Obvious - reach the 62 kg milestone.

2. Learn a foreign language - After French, its German now!
3. Improve my style quotient - I am such a lazy bone that my favorite is just a pair of t shirt and jeans and hair tied in a bun, but this time it is different. and different needs work!
4. Straighten my hair - I love my curls, but I am going to carry straight hair for a year and see how it goes.
5. Engage in a physical activity - Aerobics or Bollywood dance is what I am thinking.
6. Travel more - With a baby in tow, it will mostly be quite weekend getaways. But it is more of a qualitative assignment in nature and one I can be the judge of.
7. Explore healthy cooking as a way of life - another qualitative one.

This is it! I am going to give an update on it on a regular basis. In a nutshell, this blog is an opportunity for me to complete the challenges.

Friday, 27 May 2016

Weighty Issues!

It has been over 2 months since my delivery and the weighty issues have started to bother me.

I was 80 kgs in the final month of my pregnancy. I weighed myself post delivery and I had lost 9 kgs already.
I was super sure that the rest of the weight (62 kgs - my ideal weight) would come off easily and I shall be back to my post pregnancy shape in no time... ha!

With all the food and no exercise module I was on, I soon gained 4 kgs back :-(

And now I am on a mission to loose 12 kgs... God knows how.

What better than this blog to watch the weight.

I started with 74 kgs. Right now I am..


11 kgs to go... 

Wednesday, 25 May 2016

Baby Shopping Anyone??

Nothing beats planning ahead in time before baby birth. And the best way to realize how important the above statement is by giving birth and being responsible for a new born.
There are women who have extremely enthusiastic husbands who make lists and go shopping with them; however, mine belongs to the opposite end of the spectrum. He is interested in shopping as long as I am the one doing it. Never mind ladies, for I am not the kind to give up.
Through most of my pregnancy I was staying away from him, what with his traveling abroad for few months and then my staying with my parents for the remainder of the pregnancy for health reasons. I did most of the shopping myself online while bombarding him with shortlisted options. J
My favorite is most definitely the Bright Starts Bouncer. My baby loves sitting on it and doesn’t even need the vibrating option on the bouncer. She stays amused on this one or sleeps instantly.

Baby Keisha - 2 months old

Tuesday, 24 May 2016

Coming Home!!

After 6 days in captivity ( I was finally back home.

Coming home to familiar surroundings was a joy in itself. I remember telling my doctor that all I need is to go home now.

But the best thing was to welcome the baby home.

Baby Keisha decided to sleep right away as she reached home. And her grand mom arrived from Bombay right after she reached home. It was a party next few days, except for me.

I was still dealing with surgery pain - not able to sit and stand without any pain. The abdominal belt in the scorching Indian summer did not help either. Holding my own baby seemed like a task.

Thankfully I had my husband, my mother in law and my parents to take care of me. While my mother cooked and cleaned, my mother in law took care of the baby, and my husband and father took care of outside affairs; and I got enough rest.

My baby made me take cognizance of the huge support my family is for me.

Monday, 23 May 2016

The Surgery and its Ramifications

In the 6th month of my pregnancy, my gynecologist discovered that I am starting to show signs of pre-eclampsia. My blood pressure was soaring. She put me on a salt-less diet and bed rest and blood pressure pills.

I was closely monitored so much so that in the last 3 weeks I was visiting the clinic twice a day.
On March 10th my doctor said she couldn't wait any longer than the 37th week. 16th March was decided to be the day of the operation.

March 15 - We check in to the hospital in the evening and the prep for the surgery began with a nurse coming in and injecting me with the glucose bottles. Another nurse came in with the catheter. And this was just the beginning.

The next day in the morning I was wheeled in to the OT, the anesthetist gave me a spinal anesthesia ( I was never verbally told about what it means to be taking one, if there are other options available to me and what are the post surgery effects upon taking a spinal vs. local vs. epidural - epidural was not an option for me however, local could have been). It might have been the best option for me, however, I would have liked to be spoken to about it beforehand, rather than just signing a document saying I was OK with it.

Post surgery, the next few days I was bed ridden. I was not allowed to even raise my head above the body level. I was in so much pain in the muscles that a pillow to raise my head seemed like heavenly - the result was a mind numbing spinal headache that ran from my head down to my spine and made me dizzy. It was the most horrendous headache I experienced.
My blood pressure came back on day 3, and my doctor said I was a case of post-partum eclampsia and gave me some pills which did not help me much. I was prescribed by my doctor to take an Electerol to help my headache. The combination spiked my BP to over 200/160, my family insisted and I was in the ICU for the night. The cardiologists my family concurred with, rectified my medication and the next day I was better. While it might just be one night, I realized that you cannot take life for granted, that every moment counts.
I was discharged the next day but the pain of surgery remained for the next few weeks. It's ten weeks now and I feel ready to do normal stuff for the last 4 weeks, even so the after effects although bearable, remain.

Surgery was necessary in my case and it gave me my baby safe and sound in my arms. It also kept me fine.Now I have another bunch of tasks, like getting back in shape, getting back to work and in general put life back in normal order.

Giving birth to a baby is the most amazing and the most terrifying thing I have done in my life. But at the end of it, I got myself my little bun. 

Sunday, 22 May 2016

My baby's birth and me

And then one fine day, just like that, I am a mother.

I am wheeled out of the OT, still numb half way down from the caesarean section and dizzy – more with the anxiety of undergoing such an invasive procedure rather than the euphoria of becoming a mother. There are people everywhere, mostly cousins and well meaning relatives, I couldn’t care less. I am looking for my husband (let's call him N). Ah, there he is – anxious and giddy he looks. I was tucked into my bed and I was soon lulled into sleep, courtesy the sleep inducing medicines running through my blood.

The next few days, I will be battling the post surgery effects and going through mood swings – mostly questioning my reasoning behind deciding to have a baby. I will realize my life will never be the same. Probably I will never be able to get back to work.

I always believed that having a baby will be one of the most joyful experiences of my life. The hospital experience was clearly not that – I was in pain, unwell and going through mood swings that had nothing to do with logic.

And N clearly became the best husband ever. He took care of our little girl, fed her, changed her and took care of me as well. He was beaming and cheery as he looked at our daughter. He looked at my swollen and highly pigmented face and planted kisses, making me feel all better just when I was about to go crazy.

Everyone tells you how amazing it is – if you are my age, your Facebook timeline is a live feed of babies being welcomed into this world with happy faces all around them. While people are indeed happy and babies are the most precious, there are background details of what a mother goes through to have her child, both physically and mentally. It would be better if we are also mentally prepared to take on the challenge of what lies ahead.

~ Baby Keisha is over 2 months old, loves curtains, sleeps through the night and has the best smile ever!! :)